Winter 2023

I dreamed last night that I was in some kind of school, discovering that our most major blind spot as a society was that we could not tell time backwards. YTEICOS is “society” spelled backwards and I also came to find that that was very important.

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Last night I had the most emotionally intense dream I’ve maybe ever had. Slept in until 2pm. In the dream, I was in space, on some kind of brave exploratory shuttle mission with 8 or so other random people. Although we must’ve been scientists or geniuses or something. We realized we were going to starve to death on the shuttle, and I oscillated for days (real-life minutes I’m sure) between panic and acceptance, despair/terror and peace in some kind of nihilism.

I worked hard to sever my emotional ties to earth — I knew I couldn’t see anyone, couldn’t tell them I loved them or what was going on up there. I had to turn to the people I was with, project all of my love and derive all my comfort there. At our last meal together, I told them they were my only family, that I loved them like they were. We danced to music that we weren’t sure was even there, knowing it was likely we’d hallucinated it out of sheer desperation.

I woke up moments after my big goodbye speech, and my goodbye hug with a glasses-wearing redhead, who does not exist in my real life. It was jarring and horrible to wake up. I immediately was overcome with the feeling I had abandoned my crew – family – in space. Left them to die. I whined and fidgeted over never being able to see them again.

Later in the day, I caught a glimpse of [redacted]’s phone background: earth from space. It made me so sad.