Summer 2020

It is so hot my skin feels like clothing. When did this happen? All I can do is give in, not even shower, not even attempt to cool myself in the shade.

I drove past my ex-boyfriend’s house for no reason other than to experience the feeling of turning onto that street in that same car in this same heat.

I finished [redacted]. I read almost every page outside in the burning sun. I am still marveling at the beauty of a very good sentence. There is no perfect sentence, but there’s a wild kind of satisfaction in a sentence that gets so close to its meaning.

Right now, I’m sitting at Roos, where I once sat for all of an excruciating August trying to remember anything that made me happy. I drew all day, made myself an elaborate calendar to remind me that I could have things to do and to tend to.

It’s strange to revisit home in this hollow time and way, and to resurrect old feelings just for the experiment. I can feel that change has happened. Everywhere I go I remember.